false labor and the art of surrender

Yesterday afternoon the contractions started. Maybe it was the new moon approaching, maybe it was the jumpbacks (which I often skip this late in pregnancy). Maybe it was just another mysterious quirk I'll never be able to unravel. All I know is that they came on and they stayed, all day and all through the night. It didn't feel like labor exactly, more like super-intense Braxton Hicks. One of the benefits of this not being my first baby is having first hand experience of what a true-labor, cervix-dilating contraction feels like. This was not it. Still, they did not abate, and when I called my OB this morning, she instructed me to go to the hospital to be checked out. My mother-in-law came right over and picked up the baby--who, by the way, won't really be the baby for very much longer--and was kind enough to keep her for the day. Thank you Mimi!

Fortunately, it appears that labor is not imminent. I was sent home with clear instructions to return if the contractions intensified, which, so far they have not. Here's hoping little man stays in the oven a little bit longer. At least long enough to get a carseat for him.

One thing I've always liked about obstetrics is the mystery of it all. All medicine is as much art as science; nowhere is this more true that the business of delivering babies. You just never know what they might do. One minute you're five centimeters and waiting for your epidural, two minutes later you start feeling like you have to push and a minute after that the baby's head is out before the doctor is even in the room. Surprises happen. Thank God for all the doctors and nurses and midwives who work in L and D. I can say from experience that their job is difficult, taxing, and not always rewarding. So this is my shout out to all of you, thanks for what you do!

One thing I've learned, or been reminded of at least, is how a situation like this demands the practice of surrender. I don't get to decide what day this baby comes any more than I get to decide the weather tomorrow. All I can do is prepare as best I can and give the rest over to God and pray for a good outcome. This is not my strong suit, surrender. In AA we call it "turning it over." Call it what you will, I've found that one of the most difficult things I have to do is to trust that all will be well. Or at least, all will unfold according to the Divine Plan.

For now, I'm home tonight and waiting and seeing what happens next...

(almost) Big Sister and Dad on our first snow day of winter 2012